I got chris browned last night
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
