Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize