I think I am morally bankrupt
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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