Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
