I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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