Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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