So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
