I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
