One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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