Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
