I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
