How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
