we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
