I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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