Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
