Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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