tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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