my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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