forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am naked and annoyed.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
