Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
