he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Even my vagina gasped.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
third nipple confirmed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
