so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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