he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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