how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
