1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
