I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
