sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
