going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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