don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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