The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
