I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize