I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
