Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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