Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
