i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
