just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
