how can u be prego again
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
