Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
