i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
