It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
