So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
