I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I can't turn off my feet"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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