dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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