Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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