you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
