Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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