if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
