capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
