So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
