Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
