As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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