so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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