i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
