I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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