Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My liver just had a heart attack.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
