remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
