I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
