im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
