When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I wish there were birth control emojis
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
