I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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