Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Success! We fucked roommates!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
