I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
