sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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