It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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