somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
