Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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