WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
