my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
