I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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